ML: Just No

Memory Lane, Episode 23 (or something) "Just No." Back in the late 80s/early 90s, I remember watching this cartoon called "The Flintstone Kids: Just Say No" in school. It was an attempt by the Reagan White House to curb drug addiction, but I think it pushed some of us towards drugs instead. Look at that pot-smoking cave man! He looks like he's having a whale of a time. So join me as I rip open this stone-age special and see what's inside. Also Michael Jackson... sort of.

Watch "JUST NO."

Record Store Day

Is it a coincidence that yesterday was 420 and today is National Record Store Day? As long as it's not National Random Drug Check Day then record stores should be bustling. Throughout the day, I've witnessed bloggers and Tweeters brag about their amazing purchases and finds, and all I could say was "Goddamnit! What happened to all the record stores in town?"Well, we used to have music shops, but they've all closed. Jacksonville had a fantastic store called "CD Connection" that, despite the name, had a satisfactory collection of vinyl. I remember all the music I bought there throughout high school and college. It closed its doors a couple years ago, citing competition from iTunes. Ah Mp3s, those audio formats of laughable quality. Simply put, Mp3's weren't meant to replace CDs, they were meant to make music more portable and accessible, but they did replace the older formats. And here we are, watching as even the music/movie section at Barnes & Noble shuts down. I suppose I could always get my hands on a CD, cassette, or vinyl by ordering it online, but that defeats the whole purpose of music shopping for physical things.

Let me remind you of the record store experience, ignoring what we remember from movies like "High Fidelity," that was a work of fiction... but didn't stray far from the truth. You'd walk into a store, some new release / standard classic drifting out of the speakers like vapor out of an air vent, and some guy / girl of high importance stands behind the counter. Don't let the self-important facade fool you. If you strike up a conversation with them, you'll find that they were fine folks. Sometimes they were assholes, but they were assholes with a great knowledge of music, and that is helpful.

I still want Kathleen Turner Overdrive to be a real band.

If you remove the racks, the posters, and the glass cases from the store, then you'll realize that the space itself is usually just a grimy hole-in-the-strip-mall. There's really no difference between searching the store and searching an abandoned box of CDs in a radio station's dumpster. So what's the appeal? The fucking ambience! Now there's a fancy word. Yes, the ambience, the pretension, the love of audio. The whole experience peaks into our adventurous spirit, the hunter-gatherer essence of the human soul, where we strive to discover that rare EP, that discontinued album from your favorite band based out of Chico, CA on that now defunct label. What great wonders will we find wedged between Bauhaus and Beirut? Beach House? Perfect!

There's also something to say about Cover Art. Browsing through rows and rows of plastic crystalline cases or stacks of paper sleeves, I am reminded of rushing through an art gallery, my eyes overwhelmed by the stampede of images, of killer robots and pastel deers, of seedy neighborhoods and rolling hills, of a yellowed Polaroid and a CG spark-fest. The variety is never-ending and it's always fun to play the cliche album cover drinking game. Take a drink every time you find: a cute dog, large breasts, a singer-songwriter looking off-camera, typewriter font, the too-clean ghetto, the band posing at random points on the cover, a black and white photo, and even bigger breasts.

In this case, just drink to forget.

Ah the music shop. How I miss ambling aimlessly, discovering new artists, or rediscovering old artists. As I write this, I find The Go Team's "Fire, Lightning, Strike!" in my stack of music. I had bought that on a whim in a record store, having fallen in love with the spirited uptempo and funky disco-flavored beats. I can't replicate this experience online: there's too much to sift through! I know it sounds ridiculous to say I have too much to choose from, but the fact is I feel over-saturated by music and it all blends together, even the good stuff. I guess the reason is that it's easy to click on the next song on your computer rather than the old days where you had to physically change the CD in the player (not counting chain stores that used Mp3s in their listening stations).

So, seeing as how it's still record store day (for an hour anyways), here are some new releases that I recommend.

"Brains" - Lower Dens
"Gold on the Ceiling" - The Black Keys
"Nightswim" - Frankie Rose
"Revolution" - Doctor John
"Serpents" - Sharon Van Etten

And of course, good luck catching one of Jack White's free-floating vinyls released on April 1. Literally catch a copy of "Freedom at 21."

Easter Stuff

For the past decade, Christians have been trying to dethrone the Easter Bunny and reestablish Jesus as the head mascot of Easter. This year it looks like they got their wish, but instead of do-gooder families, the trend caught on with us web-savvy smart-asses who have turned the holiday into "Zombie Jesus Day." In fact, I've heard next to nothing about an Eastern Bunny, but I don't care. Even as a kid, when I believed in Santa and the Tooth Ferry and thought that the monster truck Gravedigger was a sentient being, I thought the Easter Bunny was a bunch of bollocks. Rabbits are varmints, good for nothing but feeding to eagles and anacondas. They ate my vegetable garden and now this cotton-tailed parasite wants to make amends by bringing me colored eggs? Get me my shotgun, ma.

Anyways, it's time for Easter specials. But in all honesty, I never watched these. I was too busy biting the head off a Chocolate Jesus (that was an actual thing right?) But I do remember the commercials on the Disney Channel, as they seemed to run non-stop. Here's a decent compilation.

These all pretty much sucked from what I can remember, but I do want to find "Peter and the Magic Egg." I recall the villain of that one being a cranky robot farmer named Tobias Tinwhiskers. So between Zombie Jesus and Tobias Tinwhiskers, Easter should be a spectacular bloodbath of horror. But instead it's about religion and Cadbury Eggs. Whatever. Happy Sunday.

Pick of the Now: Tennis

I listen to a lot of things with a chaotic beat, destructive lyrics, and feedback like a wildcat chainsaw. Often times, I need to chill out in the melodic zone. That's where modern indie buzz-bands come in handy. So many of them specialize in that chill mood that keeps you from grinding your teeth. With bands like Chairlift, Lowers Dens, and Beach House, the movement now is to focus on harmonies and melodies rather than swift beats and harsh cutting. One of my current favorites is Tennis who wallow in a retro sound not unlike the pop of the 70s, but perfected to be timeless. If I were to listen to this fifty years from now I wouldn't be able to tell you what decade it is from. Here is "Origins" from their album "Young and Old."

Eraserhead-Rush

Happy April First! I thought I'd celebrate the first of the month by bringing you my favorite children's film of all time: ERASERHEAD! It's a whimsical, magical tale of printer's fight against an evil moon creature bent on ruining his family. Everyone was trying to prank me by trying to convince me that Oancitizen reviewed the same movie today, but that's just... oh crap, HE DID REVIEW IT! Son of a kitsch! I think he's a time traveler who stole my idea from the future... and did it differently... and better.

But check out Eraserhead-Rush on Reviewtopia as well as other April First specials from other Producers. The Film Renegado did a crossover with that time-traveling whuttzit himself who gives a very Shakespearean performance.

Things are Looking UPdate

After cutting myself off from the world for a couple weeks, I finally have a couple things to announce. First, remember my talk about the Demon Bluesman? I'll post the first chapter "Fresh-Picked Jack-o-Lanterns" on Monday April 9th.

Chapter 1 Cover Page

This is my attempt at self-publishing a free novella and I want to see how well it goes, so please support/share if you like it. Although, if you don't like violent, vulgar, dark-humored horror stories about an egotistical misanthrope, then maybe you should pass it up and send it to your sick-minded friends.

Second, I'll be premiering a new show on my Blip page called Bubblegum Hookah. It stars yours truly and my dealer Coral Snake McGee, who looks exactly like me except with a hat. It's along the lines of a sketch show with continuing story lines and focuses on what goes on backstage here at Memory Lane. The channel will remain bi-weekly but with alternating shows from here on out: Memory Lane and Bubblegum Hookah. And of course the occasional special.

So... how soon before this all dissolves into Porn?

Vintage CG Week

Hey all you pixel-crossed lovers, it's Vintage CG week on ye ol' Tumblr. In celebration of Episode 22 "The Mind's Eye Infection,"throughout the week I will be posting CGI clips, images, and GIFs from the days of yore. Check out Bubblegum Hookah.

ML: The Mind's Eye Infection

New video is up on the old Blip Channel. This time around, we're taking a mystical journey through time as we discover "The Mind's Eye" in a 10 minute episode I call The Mind's Eye Infection.

A little background info: "The Mind's Eye" is a thirty minute film made of computer animated segments pulled from commercials, presentations, and demo reels and edited to electronic music. Kind of like Fantasia for CGI. Remember, this was the early 90s, so CGI was a big deal and a burgeoning art form. Though not technically a kid's film, I do remember this thing from my childhood because I was fascinated with the art form. And I've discovered that I wasn't alone in my admiration. So take a look at my twenty second episode of Memory Lane and see for yourself.

Old New Technology

I love finding ancient commercials and news reports for outdated technology. It really makes you understand how consumer electronics are just like tissue paper: you use one up and then buy another. Here are a few examples. First up, a news report from KRON San Francisco about newspapers... ON YOUR COMPUTER! I particularly like how one of the interviewees is credited as "owns a home computer." Wow, he might even own a transportable telephone!

Speaking of transportable telephone, from 1989, we get this Centel advertisement. I think. Actually, this could have very easily been a commercial for boats or Jeeps or viagra. But there, in every third shot, we get glimpses of the revolutionary brick we'd come to know as a cell phone. Check out the end of the commercial when the Jeep parks on the dock. I'm thinking there are takes where the driver didn't stop in time. Perhaps this was the third Jeep they went through... and the second actor.

And finally (so that I'm not surfing Youtube all day) let's return to a time when remote controls were new devices. From 1961, enjoy this video promoting the remote control. Just watch the first 20 seconds. At first, I thought the remote control was that weird Christmas ornament. And for a while, I thought that the watering pot beside the TV was a hookah. That'd be some living room.

Jesus Christ! If the remotes were still that big, we'd never lose them!

The New Reviewtopians

So remember that site that I contribute to? The one you should watch nightly? Seriously, are you going to watch some crappy evening news or Leno being awkward, or are you going to watch some legitimate comedy/reviews? Check out Reviewtopia for all your Internet video needs. For now, let me introduce you to some of the newest contributors.

First up, Blockbuster Chick who specializes in those big-time, zillion-dollar films we all love to hate... or hate to hate. Or just hate. One thing I've noticed is that I don't particularly think too hard about these big-budget bombs, but I really ought to or else I'll be doomed as a filmmaker to repeat the mistakes of the past. BBChick also proves my theory that Brits are just inherently funny.

Next, Some Jerk with a Camera who spends his eternity at the Happiest Place on Earth... which doesn't include "It's a Small World."Some people are content enough reviewing Disney properties, but the Jerk will review the actual Disney property from Disney property. By this point, I think he's actually a Disney attraction. I saw him pinpointed on the map. Also, was that Weird Al Yankovic? Twice?

Third in line... me. Watch me.

Then, from the planet Dracula (I think I missed that astronomy class) it's Count Jackula who will introduce you to the best and worst of sci-fi and horror. Watching him, I am reminded of those old late-nite horror movie hosts on those local TV stations except... intentionally funny. The Count has got some movies for you including Death Bed, the Bed that Eats... I'm not sleeping tonight... literally.

And finally, we've got the guru of horror: Horror Guru. He talks about Ponies... sorry, I'm reading the wrong page... let's see... ah yes, horror films. With the powers of Metallica and Black Sabbath literally behind him, Guru brings you the bestworst in horror. The messier, the better.

So remember to check out these new-comers and support their shows. Particularly that third person on the list. It's my objective opinion that you should support him the most. Do it.