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Saturday, March 3, 2012

Disney's Florida Adventure

Last night, "Beamland" premiered on Reviewtopia alongside another video from Some Jerk with a Camera (that's his name, not my judgement) about Disney's California Adventure, which you can watch right here. Excellent episode, I must say. I now have respect for construction walls.

Anyways, I started wondering when Florida will get their own redundant theme park: Disney's Florida Adventure. What would that entail? Here are some highlights:

- A miniaturized replica of the famous Florida landmark... um...
- In South Beach Land, get lost in a drunken crowd as you search for a restaurant that doesn't have a three hour waiting line.
- In I-95 land, ride the test track and try to survive the people going 100 mph and not using their turn signal.
- Just like in DCA, there's also a giant spinning orange except this one is covered in canker.
- Visit the southern most point and feel ripped off that there's still a whole mile of beach behind it.
- Alligators where there shouldn't be alligators.
- A Bug's Life Agricultural Center educates you on modern slavery in Immokalee.
- More alligators.
- Visit Daytona Beach Land and get run over by the people riding the test track.
- A miniaturized version of St. Augustine, the country's oldest city. Replica dimensions: 5 x 10 inches.
- Holy crap, more alligators!
- D-list celebrities star in a movie about Clay County called "The State's Shame."
- Slide down the creepy slope that is Governor Rick Scott's head.
- And finally, end your trip by settling down at one of the lounges in Palm Beach Land and die.

Suffice it to say, I won't be going to that park. I'll save my money and go to Busch Gardens.


  1. I suggest Palm Beach Parking Adventure: Drive around the island for 30 minutes, then attempt to parallel park between two cars that cost more money then you will ever see in your life.

  2. Looking for a parking spot at the beach is also a circle in hell.