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Sunday, April 8, 2012

Easter Stuff

For the past decade, Christians have been trying to dethrone the Easter Bunny and reestablish Jesus as the head mascot of Easter. This year it looks like they got their wish, but instead of do-gooder families, the trend caught on with us web-savvy smart-asses who have turned the holiday into "Zombie Jesus Day." In fact, I've heard next to nothing about an Eastern Bunny, but I don't care. Even as a kid, when I believed in Santa and the Tooth Ferry and thought that the monster truck Gravedigger was a sentient being, I thought the Easter Bunny was a bunch of bollocks. Rabbits are varmints, good for nothing but feeding to eagles and anacondas. They ate my vegetable garden and now this cotton-tailed parasite wants to make amends by bringing me colored eggs? Get me my shotgun, ma.

Anyways, it's time for Easter specials. But in all honesty, I never watched these. I was too busy biting the head off a Chocolate Jesus (that was an actual thing right?) But I do remember the commercials on the Disney Channel, as they seemed to run non-stop. Here's a decent compilation.
These all pretty much sucked from what I can remember, but I do want to find "Peter and the Magic Egg." I recall the villain of that one being a cranky robot farmer named Tobias Tinwhiskers. So between Zombie Jesus and Tobias Tinwhiskers, Easter should be a spectacular bloodbath of horror. But instead it's about religion and Cadbury Eggs. Whatever. Happy Sunday.

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